Barcelona Doorway
copyright Janet Hovde
I am writing the story of my own life. I don’t mean I am writing an autobiography, literally. I mean, I am the author of my life.
The themes of my early chapters were heavily influenced by the voices of others. By what my parents said and did not say. By what my teachers, priests, and nuns said and did not say. By what I heard from the television, the radio, and my peers. By what I read in books and magazines.
I’ve had years to experience and observe the effects of following those early voices. Some of the voices guided me well, some not so well. I gradually became aware of the voices, and I could start to choose which ones to keep and which ones to let go.
A few chapters were about my intense desire for a particular group of people to like me. Their behavior indicated a lack of caring about my well-being (even my safety), and a lack of interest in knowing me. I tried again and again to fit in, and met them more than halfway. I started to recognize the one-sidedness of this desire to connect. I was very tuned in to helping them. I gradually became better at knowing what was best for me in my relationship with them. And I became ready to honor their choices.
Then there are the chapters about exploring the question: what do I want? I want authentic, loving, mutual relationships. I want to live a joyous, vibrant, interesting life. I want to use the gifts God gave me. I want to share my healing gifts. I want to notice beauty and to create more beauty. I want to help MYSELF as well as others with my gift of intuition. I want to acknowledge my losses and move into the delight of this day.
A holistic practitioner helped me recently to sort the experiences I encounter, taking an experience into my energy field if it is made up of LOVE, and letting it go, if it is heavier. Ahh . . . I started to see my tendency to find my problems, and to work at trying to fix them. Really? I could just drop the problem, and shift my attention to the areas of my life that are filled with love? Huh.
The current chapter of my life is about stepping into a new way of being, strengthening the habits of recognizing and embracing that which feeds me. And letting go of that which does not feed me.
I had fewer choices in my early chapters. But now? Who gets to write my story now? I get to write my story now.
Who is the author of your story, today?
I am the author of my own story as well 🙂 This Mercury Retrograde has got me doing some serious reflecting…stuff has crossed my mind that I thought I’d let go of a long time ago but then I wasn’t so sure. There are many past chapters I’d like to re-write in some ways but they’ve made me who I am today and I know I had to experience some of these things to get to where I am now so, in the end, I am truly grateful for them.
Oh, we are in a Mercury Retrograde, are we? That may explain a few things . . .It does seem that the Universe always finds a way to say “are you sure?” when I think I have let go of something. 🙂
I have to agree with Michele. My past chapters have shaped me into who I am today. I would not want to change them because I wouldn’t have grown to be me, now.
I love how you explained this Janet… “taking an experience into my energy field if it is made up of LOVE, and letting it go, if it is heavier”. Thank you for helping me see some of the heavier things that are still in my life and how I can choose to help by letting them go with LOVE!
Lovely blog post.
Suzanne, It really helps that there are many of us consciously choosing LOVE, don’t you think?
Beautiful, Janet. I was just thinking the other day about how time changes things. Our memories of how things were are clouded (or cleared) by our current perceptions so what we think is our past is always shifting to fit into our new model of our lives. I’ve been listening to Alan Watts and he was talking about time and how the Indian cultures view time differently than we do. They think in cycles, where we are linear. I certainly could see this with my own life and the patterns that have come through again and again (especially in Mercury Retrograde! lol…)
I loved what you said here. I was surprised to find myself nodding along at your “stages” and how similar they were to my own. We should get together sometime since we live in the same area!
Amy, You make some very good points. I have also had the experience of re-viewing past experiences once I have a new piece of information or awareness. I’d love to get together some time & will email you about dates.